During this stage of a breakup it is common to call, email or even Instagram-stalk — anything that feels remotely "normal" about the relationship. Going through a breakup has been likened to the death of a loved one. It is only when you go through the motions of mourning a relationship. The stages of grief that follow any trauma, breakup included, can happen in a You fought to hold on to the relationship to the point of being all-consumed.
You feel devastated, dazed, frightened and numb. You are unable to accept your loss. You cling to the hope that you will eventually reconcile with your partner; that your boyfriend or husband will show up on your doorstep full of remorse and want you back.
Giving up the final hope of ever being with him is the most difficult of all. Denying the finality of your relationship delays the inevitable; meanwhile, you are stuck in a state of denial and unhappiness.
But you are not ready to accept the reality of the loss of you partner. You try to repress your anger but you need to blame someone for the injustice that was done to you, and so you project your displaced aggression onto anyone who crosses your path. Anger is a sign of suppressed emotional issues. You must feel your pain to diffuse your pent up and misdirected anger.
I promise to do better. You fantasize that things will go back to the way they were. You hope to run into your ex at the store, gym, coffee shop or a party.
5 AWFUL Stages Of Grieving A Breakup | Nancy Nichols
You invent an emergency to get his attention, or you find an excuse to go to his home, hoping that when he sees you his passion for you will rekindle. If you are dealing with an abusive or emotionally unresponsive partner, you may lower your standards, convince yourself to accept less in the relationship, be less demanding, and even turn a blind eye to his hurtful behavior—if only he would come back to you.
But your partner continues to lie, rebuke and reject you, your attempts to change things are futile, and you sink deeper into depression. When you choose to be in relationship with a man who lies, cheats or abuses you, you also chose the emotional pain and suffering of that relationship. All I want to do is sleep. You have feelings of despair, emptiness, yearning and intense loneliness.
You cry a lot and uncontrollably. You may have weight loss, weight gain, panic or anxiety attacks, insomnia, or acute fatigue.
You may drink in excess. Your mind is foggy and your body feels sluggish causing you to crave sleep and isolation. You are unable to function at work, home or school, or perform normal daily activities.
You fixate on things your ex said at various times that you see as contradicting the breakup, and you hold onto them now as if they are gospel. Yet somewhere within, you have moments of clarity, too. Do set a time limit on these thoughts. When the time is up, imagine an alarm dinging. The thinking is that, if you don't accept the heartbreak, then it didn't really happen, thus leaving hope for reunion.
Your SURVIVAL guide to The 7 Stages of a Break Up — Jessica Elizabeth Opert Breakthrough to Love
Denial can also take form of us running ram shod right over the pain. Pay them the respect, the acknowledgement they deserve. They are infinitely patient, and will wait. Walk through them, own them, what does not kill us makes us stronger, dearest one! Allow them to wash over you, breathing them in deeply and exhaling them, as the wave recedes gently back into the ocean. The more we fight the waves, the more likely they will smash us to bits on the shoreline.
Pretending the breakup and the pain you feel is better off if not dealt with will create emotional numbness and leave you paralyzed and stuck. YOU can make this right!! We tell ourselves that being without our ex is so intolerable, that you can work harder, deal with it, even settle to win them back. Can we get really REAL with each other? The fear of that is so palatable, that we confuse the feeling of fear as a fact of life.
Logic has no role in negotiations when fear is driving the bargaining. It's as if the responsibility is yours and yours alone to make it work this time. If only you had gotten out of this relationship sooner, what harm and pain could you have saved yourself?
The 7 stages of a breakup;
The long country walks they always ruined by bitching it was too rainy. We both know there are quite a few things, you LOVE to do, that have been neglected lately in favour of spending time in your relationship.
Take that weekend girls trip to the spa or to the coast! Somewhere inside, you know that.
Rage, RAGE against the dying of the light! After fear is done pillaging our souls. Your anger, can absolutely empower you.
The 5 AWFUL Stages Of Grieving A Breakup Or Divorce
Anger can be just the motivation we need to add the bite back our fierceness and wake us from the sadness that has been weighing us down. Feeling and accessing anger is a normal phase of the breakup AND a normal human emotional reaction.
Anger that lingers, that we store away somewhere and brandish too often, becomes bitter resentment. Resentment will kill the opportunities of new love that awaits us. Use that anger to propel you in making a list of all the things you want in your next relationship.
When the anger comes, write that new must have list! Even if you do look better in black! Relapse AKA Nostalgia; Just one more time, this time will be different, remember all those good times? Usually we are doing something that is predicating the relapse. We may have even been trying to sustain contact with our EX, right after the break up, in hopes we could one day be great friends one day.
WE may have been going through old holiday photos or doing a sneaky 'harmless' snapchat. You may actually be able to convince your ex to try again this may not be the first breakup with this partner or convince yourself that meeting for coffee or one final bedroom romp is just the closure you need. However, despite your best efforts, you will not be able to carry the relationship solo.
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Unfortunately, you may need to go through this process of breaking up and reconciling more than once before you're absolutely convinced it's time to let go.